Monday, August 04, 2008

Till The D Word Do Us Apart

A friend is going through a painful divorce -not sure if there is such thing as a pleasant one. I thought of few tips to comfort him coming from a person who knows a thing or two about the subject.


– You are not bad. Neither is she. It is not about good or bad. If that was the case and with the divorce rate the way it is -I don't have the statistics but it’s high– there would be a lot of bad people out there.


– Don’t blame yourself. Yes you made mistakes, and so did she. We all make mistakes. Assuming those mistakes are not major ones -such as throwing your mother in law out of the window or something– a mature relationship can work through them.


– Don’t get into the what if game. I am sure you wonder what if you have done things differently. You would probably end up with the same result so don’t go there! When you are in the ‘wrong’ relationship, anything you do would come out ‘wrong’.


– Meet God. In times of difficulty we tend to get closer to God. I always do in a plane -literally I guess! There is nothing wrong with becoming more religious in such times. But try to keep a balance and aim for a lasting transformation not just a temporary one followed by a sharp reversal -like hitting the bar the minute the plane lands!


– Learn to forgive. Hope to be forgiven. There is no point in carrying all that weight on your chest. Life is short. We don’t always get second or third chances. Take your time but ultimately put this behind you and move forward. After every ending, there is a new beginning..


 

6 comments:

q8diet said...

True neither are bad. Its just 2 people who if they live apart they will be more happy and productive than living together

doeringer said...

Good points and analysis. If it's not meant to be, it'll never be. Believe in fate and prayer. Something better is waiting just around the corner.

bu ziyad said...

q8diet: well said.

doeringer: thanks prof! :p

bu ziyad said...

Since we are on the subject, I thought of the 7 stages of grief..

Typically, the seven (7) stages of grief are described as:
- Shock or Disbelief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Guilt
- Depression
- Acceptance and Hope

http://www.proactivechange.com/psychotherapy/grief/stages.htm

A pedestrian said...

well said and put ! I believe that every disaster that happens in our life is not so much as a disaster but a situation waiting for us to change our mind about it :)

Anonymous said...

true ! life is short !